So, I recently had a few dates in the last few months, it was interesting. I am not big of dating, I think it is a horrible concept and a huge waste of time. Let’s be honest, are you genuinely interested in the life of the random, semi-attractive person you pulled offline? Do you leave the house praying that this is the last first date you will ever have only to walk back in later thinking, I’m never doing this shit again…. Yeah, me too. So I quit. I tried. But I quit.
After the “break up” in February I took a little bit of time for me, talked to some random losers who were semi-stalkers and wanted to nothing but blow up my phone all day like I have nothing better to do except sit here and text you about your boring life. Snooze fest. Until I had this epiphany at 3 am that I did not want “him” that will not be named, to move on before me. I couldn’t handle that so I needed to get back on the horse, or Match.com at least. When I woke up the next day I immediately regretted it and thought about all the clothes I could have bought with that $80 but I figured ok let me give it a shot, 2 dinners and a few drinks will make up for the $80 I just lost.
The first guy seemed cool; he was sporty, played football and worked for Disney. We had some pretty good texting convo and he was keeping me entertained. He drove all the way from Kissimmee to meet me one night for dinner, which happened to be the NBA final game or whatever… like I cared. Unless you are Nathan Scott, I don’t care about your basketball bullshit. I chose an uppity sports bar downtown. It was a super cool place, my date however, was super not cool… in fact he was the opposite of cool so much that the best part of our night was watching the Spelling Bee on ESPN during the BBall commercials! And the ONLY thing we had to talk about was Disney and his degree in apes or evolution or whatever it is, which pissed me off because his profile said Christian (#CatFish)!! When you tell me you “don’t believe in anything you cannot see or touch,” it’s time for you to go. And we never spoke again!
Ok so a few weeks went by and I met another guy, who was really not my type. I don’t generally go after blonde men that look like me but he intrigued me. We chatted for a few weeks because I was very busy with work and traveling and creating the empire and all. But when I got back from New Jersey I decided to open up some time for him and we went on our first date, after talking on the phone for 2 hours the night before… I don’t ever do this with someone I do not know, so it was a big deal for me.
Date night came and I did my normal dating pre-game ritual by downing 1-2 glasses of wine and taking a puff or two of a random E Cig I have for moments of despair. But,I had a great time on the date, we went bar hopping and he was aggressive enough to plant one on me before leaving but didn’t try to get me home.. He was a good kisser! Great on paper guy… you know those guys? I thought I liked him but I realized when he asked me to hang out again I put work in front of it (I was busy) and told him he can meet me and my friend at the beach that weekend (aka I didn’t want to be alone with him, but didn’t want to give up just yet).
Marissa and I went down to his house on the beach which was very nice. I brought my spiked seltzer and was looking forward to a chill day on the beach to get a nice base tan for Miami. That is not what he had in mind. He lined up the Patron shots and we ended up bar hopping down the beach that day. Marissa and I are fairly certain we were drunk for like 18 hours. Her and I had a blast. Me and him, not so much. I was just not into dating or dating him and I made up my mind that day. He pinkied my pinkie with his pinkie while laying on the beach…. EW! I don’t even do that with people I like. It’s hot and sandy there, why would you touch me? Then he decided to pick me up and hold me like a baby in the pool…
…It was then time to go. We rallied everyone up and said we needed to go. And by everyone I mean Marissa who was perusing the guy with a back tattoo that happened to be gay. We got called out mauling him with our eyes by his sister’s crazy nanny. Ok, Nanny Carrie slow your roll. We got back to his place where I sobered up a bit by chugging 4 bottles of water and taking selfies with my BFF on his luscious lawn (actual lawn not a sexual term). I left and broke the news to him the next day I just was not ready to date.
Maybe it’s me? Maybe it’s too soon? Whatever it is, guys take your time. Most girls do not want to rush into anything. Maybe that was my error getting on Match.com but what happened to “let’s be friends first and see if I even like you let alone touch you”. It takes some people a little longer to open up and let people in and I am one of them. It probably will take a very special man to really get into my heart because of this, but I am willing to take forever to find him. I am not settling for a pinkie hooker!
I deleted my Match.com and decided I will only spend my time with people I love and actually care about spending time with and if someone falls into my lap, wonderful! But I am not wasting time forcing something that just won’t be. After careful evaluation, my therapist and I agreed that I will never meet someone online. Sorry fellas!
**Here are the highlights from mine & Marissa’s day of fun (basically)!!!