We all have one, the laundry list of ex-files. Each one with a different tab, “mentally abusive,” “scared to commit,” “too lazy to fight for the relationship,” and my favorite, “can’t handle a strong, independent, complex woman.” Regardless sometimes it’s difficult to accept that people come into your life for specific reasons and leave for a purpose too.
When it first ends, it feels like the world has been ripped from under your feet. Most times, it’s not the relationship you miss it’s the “schedule” that you’re used to that you miss i.e. the morning texts, your silly little insiders and the goodnight phone calls. The relationship ended for a reason whether it was (lack of) love or logic, there is a reason. A wise woman (called Sophia Bush) once quoted, it’s a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Somethings are not meant to last forever, right? I was reading one of my favorite bloggers post the other day (http://www.oliviarink.com) and she was discussing how you should always follow your heart but bring your brain with you when you go. We are all guilty of making decisions based off emotions. For instance I am a firm believer in, if you love someone, you fight for them as hard as you can, regardless of how logical it is or isn’t. This is not always my best quality and I am still learning and talking myself into “this was a logical decision, it doesn’t mean you can’t love him but I will be happier in the end.”
So I want to share what I have learned through past relationships in each of these categories:
- A Reason: This is probably the most common category. There is always a reason. Looking back most of my terminated relationships, they all led me to something or someone else. A lot of times I would jump to another guy to get over the last. However, the last “relationship” (I put that in quotes because I am not sure if that’s what it really was) that ended I decided to do things differently and move on by myself, not with someone else. At first I didn’t want him “moving on” before me, but I soon realized I was still making things about him. What was and still is best for me is to focus on myself, my relationship with God, my friends, family, my job and my passion. The fact of the matter is, a man is never your problem nor your solution. You find happiness within, not externally. Especially if you’re still hurting. Be hurt. Feel the pain. The only way to get through it, is to go through it.
Polling Question: What’s worse? Loving someone you can’t be with or being with someone you don’t love?!
- A Season: This is a brief moment you are with someone where they help better you for a piece of time. Maybe they have helped you advance yourself creatively or maybe they taught you what you will and will not settle for. This person can probably still exist in your life because it didn’t end painfully or with hurt feelings. It was a logical decision, not because you didn’t love each other. Throughout all of the relationships I have had I think they taught me a lot about myself. Again, I am not 100% there yet and my head and heart often have dramatic battles but I am getting there. We need to think about the future. Not live there all the time, but consider it when you are dating someone and looking to move forward. Is this is a logical choice for the long haul or an emotional decision for a season?
- A Lifetime: So far, the only lifetime relationships I have are my family and friends. I’m not really looking for forever anymore. I feel like in today’s society forever is a really difficult idea anymore. It’s just so black and white, forever or not forever. If you are more open minded in relationships then I feel disappointment is a little easier to handle when it comes your way. Look at it this way, if something or someone is meant to be forever, they will be. It won’t be frustrating, or hurtful or painful. It will be easy and you will WANT them in your life and you will WANT them around. When you meet someone who makes you a better person, you can be yourself with and most importantly, the situation allows; then maybe this idea of forever won’t seem to hard to grasp. Until then, just go with the flow and take people as they come for who they are and what they bring to your life.
I am thankful for the guys who let me go. Most of you have come back when you realized it wasn’t the best choice in letting me go haha. Luckily for me, I made a logical decision in not letting you back in which is why it has brought me to where I am today. Don’t lose yourself, or give up what you have worked so hard for for someone who won’t fight for you. If it logically works, then let your heart follow. If someone is letting you go, maybe it is for the best, maybe they really do care about you more than you think they do. I know it’s hard to believe, trust me, but there are genuine people who care. And when you push them away and they still come back and fight to stay in your life, that’s how you’ll know!