I’m Single because I Choose to Be….

It’s Friday– Thank GOD! ♥

I want to preface this blog with saying that I am single because I choose to be, no other reason! I’m firing back……

The other night a very good friend of mine told me he was worried about me that I wasn’t going to get married. At the present time I was pounding grape so I may have been a little more sensitive than normal but I got really upset. I asked why he would say that to me and he said “well because it’s all about you. You do what you want and don’t make time for a man.” I was pissed. I told him we were not on speaking terms until further notice.

The next morning, I thought about what he said and I told him he was absolutely CORRECT! It is all about me. Because for the last 3 years it was always about someone else. I am coming off of two bad situations where I put both of those guys and their happiness in front of my own. The fact is that when I fall for someone they come first. It is probably a fault of my own maybe? I don’t know, maybe that’s why endings leave me so hurt, because I love so hard. But at this point I made a vow not to date right now because I do want to focus everything I have on me, what I want and chasing the dream I have had for so long.

So I want to let all you single ladies know, you are single because you choose to be and that’s ok. Don’t settle. And certainly don’t let anyone else dictate to you how you should live your life. Do I want to get married? Sure, but I am not going to just get married to be married and end up like the 60% of people divorced or 20% of people unhappily married. No thanks! I would rather be alone. And that’s the other thing, I never ever feel alone. Never in my life have I felt lonely. Sometimes I crave to feel alone because I do  have so much going on. I have so many amazing people in my life who genuinely care about me that right now I want to spend my “free time”, which I do not have much of, with them! Not some loser that’s opening line is “Have you ever been to Burn’s?”… First of all, it’s “Bern’s” you moron and yes, I have been there with my girlfriends and we paid for it OURSELVES with the money we make working our asses off!  So back the F up!

-Blair Waldorf

My “friend” said, “I just want you to be happy.” And my reply was, “what makes you think I am not?!” Being married does not guarantee happiness. Actually, I have 4 very close people to me who have all gone through or are going through divorces this year and frankly, I don’t ever want to have to go through that, ever!



 


So, my response to everyone who thinks just because you are single that you are unhappy is to tell them to stop being so jealous and envious of your freedom, the ability to be who you are and do what you want. Sometimes I lay in bed for hours having marathons of chick flick shows like One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl, I am sure your husband is not on board with that! And if he is, you may want to question your marriage! But that is something that makes me happy and I love having the freedom and option to do it!

Your life is your own, craft it how you like. God made us and our paths all different for a reason! If we all lived the same way, this world would be a total snooze fest. My best friend from high school sent me this & it is 100% accurate! I have bigger dreams and goals than to be someone’s wife.

So let me do me, and you do you. I promise not to forget you when I reach my dreams of being successful, happy and fulfilled and you are still stuck where you were 10 years ago!

k- bye Felicia!

 

 

#MondayMantra: Reclaiming Your Power

In recent months I have gone through heartache but also gone through a process complete self-understanding. Without even noticing, I was carrying around someone who was like a heavy weight, and I felt the pressure but I was too afraid to drop the weight thinking that I may hurt myself in doing so. Six weeks later, I dropped the weight and had the day I had been searching for since 2013.

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The last day I can remember truly being happy with myself, being alone and being away from my addiction to social media was 2013. I lived in Jacksonville, FL at the time and had just moved down from NJ. I didn’t know anyone except my roommate, an old high school colleague and a new friend who was engaged to be married. My roommate traveled so I was alone a lot. I went through some really tough trials and tribulations in 2012 so I feel like once I moved, God was telling me I needed to fully be alone to discover self-acceptance and appreciation. I woke up on a Saturday morning and drove to the beach by myself. I brought a book (Can’t remember which one) and next thing I remember it was 7 hours later and I was still on the beach, finished my book and had not checked my phone in hours. I felt a sense of presence over me, full awareness of where I was. I had not felt that in a long time. I decided to pack up my chair, head to the grocery store and make myself an elaborate dinner. Which is exactly what I did. After, I remember enjoying some red wine, reading fashion magazines and watching E! all night. It was the best day I had in a while. Since then, I have longed for a day like that.

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Yesterday, I had it. I woke up and had “your special day” on my planner. The rest of April is filled with celebrations and fashion shows so I literally had to schedule time to relax. I made coffee, cooked myself breakfast, watched a church service online, and read some of my book. I told myself by noon I needed to get out of bed. I did, got showered and headed to DSW where I bought a pair of Steve Madden ballet flats, Lucky Brand Espadrilles and another pair of black strap chunky heels for $57! {Good day right!} I felt blissful.

I came home and cracked a bottle of Chloe Pinot Noir, got in my over-sized red papsan chair outback and read my book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’y Do” by Amy Morin. I had the day. I had the day I have been wishing for and I even 86’ed the cell. The book is also magnificent.

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I am on the chapter called “Don’t give away your power”, the author explains that when you give your power away you give away so much more. Ever give your power away to someone else? And the funny thing is, half the time they don’t even know they have it! You don’t eat, or sleep, you starting taking on bad habits; start self-pitying yourself, all you talk about to your friends is this person? What a waste of time and your perfectly wonderful life. Bad things happen, hurtful things happen but it is up to you to look at those things in a positive way. Losing someone is painful but losing yourself is way worse. Don’t ever give someone else the power to make you feel like you’re unworthy or not enough. You are enough, know that, remember that and go after your dreams and goals. Don’t ever let anyone take that away. Put down the phone, leave it inside, enjoy nature and the little things that life presents to you each day.

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Sometimes we are so afraid of time alone, when really that is exactly what we need to heal. If you need to schedule alone time for yourself, do it, because it can revive you. My day was simple, but it was all about me. I have not had one of those in a long time. And guess what? It’s ok to have a day totally about you. After all, if you don’t make yourself happy first, no one else is going to.

Xo, Happy Monday! Cheers, Jenn

Fall In Love With Yourself First

It’s not a fashion blog, but I was feeling it so I went with  a non-traditional, #WCW blog today!

You know in Sex & the City {only the best show ever} when Carrie says, “The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself…” yeah so that appears to be true. And the older I get, the more I realize just how important that statement really is. I have gotten myself into some sticky, non-traditional “relationships” (if you can even call them that) the last few years and honestly the most important thing I have learned is to never, ever lose yourself, who you are and what you stand for.

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A few years ago I completely lost myself and conformed to what he wanted me to be just so I didn’t lose him. That was never who I was. I picked up my whole life and moved to Florida knowing one person. I am independent and confident and never changed for anyone. But as I got older and everyone started getting married and procreating, I felt like I needed keep my mouth shut a little more and “go with the flow”. That’s only good in small doses, in some situations. Because in doing that, I was gone. The person he ended up falling for was gone, and he no longer wanted the new person I became and I lost him anyway. It turned out to be a good thing anyway and of course he came back once I was reincarnated, but lesson learned. I would never lose me again.

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I’m not going in depth into what can only be described as my own personal hell from last few years but I will tell you this, in the end you only have you. You have to fall in love with yourself and just as you do with another person, work hard to maintain that relationship. Staying healthy is so important, when you start to drink more, stop working out, eat bad or not eat at all, it’s time to stop and say maybe this isn’t right? Girls: don’t wait around for that call, go get your weekly pedicure, go to Yoga, happy hour with your friends and keep your phone away. Do things that make you feel good about yourself, things that made you happy and smile before he came along! I am not saying this is the always the case, but we are often guilty of it. We over think, and over analyze and think in the future too much. If you feel something isn’t right, let it go. If it’s meant to be it will happen. But don’t ever forget what you deserve. Chances are, that guy you are with, you met at the happiest time of your life when you weren’t looking, you had confidence, independence and on a health kick. Guess what? That is the person he fell for. Not the girl who sits at home waiting for him to call or text. He fell for the girl who had her own thing going; dreams, plans, a schedule.

Stand up for yourself. If something hurts you, say it! It’s okay. If he loves you, he won’t go anywhere. That is one thing I have learned for sure. Because once I did start speaking my mind, they always came back no matter how harsh I was. Whether or not the jackass really loved me or not, it felt good because I could be myself with him and not hide how I felt and I knew I had to always maintain that. Things don’t always happen the way you want when you want them to, it’s just a fact. I am not saying you should think negatively that it is not going to work out, all I am saying is, if it doesn’t work, it won’t be as hard to remember how you felt before he graced your threshold if you never lost that person to begin with. Isn’t that the hardest part of a breakup; getting back to who you were before them?  What if you never lost that person you were?  Don’t change things you do to make yourself happy just to please someone else.

 

 

Don’t forget YOU and what you want and you deserve. He’s great, he’s wonderful but this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. It’s okay to say that. It’s okay to put yourself first. Love you, because if you don’t, no one else sure as hell will!

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